Donald Trump Said Joe Biden Would “Re-Crucify Jesus”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump is again attacking Joe Biden’s Christian faith in one of the more ironic delusions Trump, who is famously non-religious, has made up about his political opponent.

“If you think Jesus had it bad 2,000 years ago, just wait until Joe Biden gets elected president. Joe Biden is going to put Jesus back up on the cross, and I believe Joe Biden will personally stab everyone’s favorite savior right in the ribs with his lance of socialism. Nobody hates Jesus more than Joe Biden, I guarantee it. He certainly loves Jesus less than me. You wouldn’t believe how much I love Jesus. I have a tremendous love for Jesus. One of the best loves, maybe of all time. When Jesus got all those animals on the ark, he really did an amazing thing for us. For everyone. And then when Jesus recited the Ten Commandments to the Jews, that was something, wasn’t it, folks? Jesus is why I love reading the Bible so much. I’m one of great Bible readers. So many beautiful stories. Like when Jesus was going to sacrifice his son to prove his devotion to God. That really amazed me. Taught me so many lessons. Eric, watch out! Ha, just kidding. But maybe someday. But what a great guy Jesus was. And when Jesus split the baby in half to make a point for the arguing parents. Wow. That taught me everything I needed to know about parenting. But Joe Biden hates Jesus. I bet Joe never reads the Bible. Unlike me. I like to memorize it. Joe’s Christian faith is totally fake and opportunistic, unlike mine. My faith is so strong, and makes me strong because of it. When I read the Bible I feel strong, just like Jesus when he was taking down the goliath. Joe Biden is like the goliath, and I’m Jesus. So believe me, you do not want Joe Biden. Joe Biden is going to crucify Jesus all over again. Trust me.”

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