Trump Says He Has Done More For Blacks Than Lincoln and Jesus Combined

Washington D.C.—

During a rambling segment on Sean Hannity’s Fox News opinion show, President Donald Trump delivered a stunningly meandering and ahistorical rant on President Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ:

“No one has done more for the Blacks than me. I’ve done more for African-Americans than anyone. Martin Luther King Jr.? Did more. Abraham Lincoln? Did more. He freed the Blacks a long time ago, but I freed them again. I undid the Obamacare mandate, which was like a whole new slavery. In many ways it was worse slavery than before. And I gave them jobs. The unemployment for the Blacks has never been better. A lot of people don’t know this, but when Lincoln freed the slaves, they lost their jobs. So the unemployment rate was so high you wouldn’t even believe it. Lincoln was not as good at jobs as me. And we’ve done so many things, and, frankly, we’ve done a lot of things that they said could never be done. Tremendous things. Some people are saying I’ve done more for African-Americans than even Jesus. The Bible doesn’t mention African-Americans anywhere. They’re not in there. The Radical Left, I hate to say it, they would have hated Jesus for that. Jesus never said Black Lives Matter. The rabid socialist Democrats would tear down statues of Jesus if they knew that. But not me. I love Jesus. I say let’s build more statues of Jesus. We can have big, beautiful statues of Jesus. We can have one of Jesus fighting the Goliath, and we can have one of Jesus being swallowed by the whale. There’s just so many great stories of Jesus, aren’t there? He did some tremendous things. Like when he built that ark, that was truly an amazing thing, wasn’t it? But he didn’t do much for the Blacks. No Blacks in the Bible. Jesus didn’t bring any African-Americans along with him on the ark. I’d have given the African-Americans jobs building the ark if I were Jesus! And let them come along. Maybe Jesus doesn’t love the Blacks as much I do. And Lincoln didn’t have any blacks in his administration, did he? I have Ben Carson. I love Ben Carson. He’s doing great work in the Energy Department… or Commerce…. one of them, it doesn’t matter which. We’re winning so much and making America so great that it’s unimportant which job I gave him. The only thing that’s important is that he’s another Black I gave a job! But the horrible, disgusting fake news will never give me credit for doing more than Lincoln and Jesus. Combined!”

Sean Hannity then cut to a commercial break.

From The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.