Mitch McConnell Had A Visible Erection While The Senate Voted On Amy Coney Barrett

Washington D.C.—

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell appeared to be sexually aroused while leading the Senate through the confirmation process of admitting Amy Coney Barrett onto the Supreme Court.

C-SPAN cameras from several angles in the Senate chamber caught what looked to be a pronounced bulge in Mr. McConnell’s pants.

In a floor speech McConnell gave during the proceedings, he repeatedly got out of breath due to excitement over conservatives’ new ideological majority on the Supreme Court.

“This is truly a momentous occasion in the history of the Republican Party,” said McConnell. “Critics of my tenure as Majority Leader have mocked me for my utter lack of policy idealism, my perceived dearth of red-blooded warmth or a soul, and my pyrrhic, Machiavellian, ends-justify-the-means approach to acquiring political power, but look at me now. I did it. Thanks to strangling every modicum of bipartisanship left in our polarized era, thanks to gleefully embracing moral and precedential hypocrisy, and thanks to Franklin and Mort, my pet yellow-bellied slider turtles who inspire me endlessly with their unconditional love and support, I have won a 6-3 majority on the Supreme Court. I may not be remembered in history books for any major bills passed into law, or any cross-the-aisle friendships that fostered effective compromises, or for having any personality whatsoever, but, by golly, I will be in the history books for spending years telling Obama we didn’t need any more federal judges or Supreme Court justices no matter how many high-profile vacancies there were, and then filling them ASAP when a Republican president finally took over. Thanks, everyone, and thanks to Franklin and Mort. When I get home tonight, we’re all having extra carrots and lettuce!”

From The Halfway Post vault:

Aliens Landed On Earth, Donated $10 Billion In Asteroid Metals To Defeat Mitch McConnell

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https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/30/mitch-mcconnell-took-out-house-passed-bills-dressed-them-up-and-had-a-tea-party/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/11/mitch-mcconnell-says-he-doesnt-recall-blocking-any-supreme-court-seats/

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