Stephen Miller Voted Trump Administration’s “Sexiest Man”

Washington D.C.—

An informal Trump Administration superlative contest conducted by Ivanka Trump to boost morale in the lame duck period of the staff’s political careers voted executive aide Stephen Miller as the Trump White House’s “Sexiest Man.”

During the just-for-fun awards ceremony Ivanka herself hosted during a lunch break, Stephen Miller accepted his “Sexiest Man” trophy and, in lieu of an acceptance speech, he reportedly showed everyone how many of his pet Madagascar hissing cockroaches he can fit into his mouth at a time.

Then he reportedly made an announcement that, since Biden won, if anyone needed him he’d be out back behind the Rose Garden for the rest of the day digging up black bags of what he said might look and smell like several decomposing bodies he had been having sex with for several months, but he assured everyone they definitely weren’t decomposing bodies he had been having sex with for several months.

More from The Halfway Post vault:

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/11/01/stephen-miller-unveiled-a-human-centipede-he-made-of-immigrant-children/

https://vellichorpost.wordpress.com/2020/08/02/stephen-miller-keeps-a-terrarium-of-madagascar-hissing-cockroaches-in-the-white-house/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2018/06/25/stephen-millers-child-separation-policy-papers-were-reportedly-jerked-off-all-over-on/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/02/10/in-cnn-interview-stephen-miller-implies-hes-eaten-human-meat/

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!