Dallas, TX—
Wayne LaPierre, Chief Executive of the National Rifle Association, was arrested this afternoon in a public park in a nearby Dallas suburb for brandishing a weapon and shooting it irresponsibly at the ground and several park benches.
The Halfway Post was given a recording of the incident that a bystander managed to capture on her cell phone halfway through the incident, and in it LaPierre can be heard screaming insults at the coronavirus that is currently spreading throughout the US.
“Get away from me, you coronavirus germs!” LaPierre screams. “Don’t even think about getting on my guns! I will never give you my guns, you hear me? So stay away! Go back to China, bitch! Where are you? I’ll shoot you if you come any closer to me! I’ll do it, the safety is off! I have a stockpile of weapons and a literal mountain of bullets. I don’t care how many times you do mitosis, I’ll take you all on! I have a bullet for every germ of you there is in America! In the entire world! I will shoot you straight in your nucleus, you little fucks! Come at me! Come at me!”
The recording then shows LaPierre shooting multiple times into a wooden park bench. He then drops to the ground and starts punching a spot of mud. Some of the mud splashes onto his face and he starts screaming that the COVID19 is infecting him. He then pulls out a second gun and starts firing both at the same time into the mud patch.
At that point several police officers approach him and arrest him as he screams that the police are letting the coronavirus get away.
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/thehalfwaypost, Twitter @HalfwayPost, Tumblr at https://halfwaypost.tumblr.com, or Instagram @thehalfwaypost for more liberal, political humor and satire!
(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)
The Halfway Post 