Mitch McConnell Caves, Says He Can’t Defend “President Orangutan” Anymore

Washington D.C.—

The ongoing impeachment trial controversies appear to have finally made Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell snap.

Mr. McConnell took to Twitter early this morning to announce that he’d no longer try to protect President Donald Trump from impeachment, explaining that Trump had passed the point of no return in terms of his obvious guilt for impeachable crimes.

The following is McConnell’s Twitter thread:

“That’s it, I’m throwing in the white towel. I can’t do it anymore. President Numbnuts is just too guilty for me to pretend any longer. I tried to help him out, but apparently the White House got an early draft of Bolton’s book and didn’t share it with me. So fuck it. I am officially giving Senate Republicans my endorsement to impeach that dumbfuck. Mitt: go wild calling for witnesses!”

“I don’t usually tweet this kind of stuff, but I just can’t anymore with that ape that Republicans nominated and somehow got elected… I just can’t. I understand how loyal Trump’s base is, but fuck it. I don’t care if I lose Senate majority power, I’d rather be homeless than go another day pretending that orange moron is presidential material. Trump’s racist supporters are butt-hurt that I married a Chinese lady anyway.”

“President Orangutan doesn’t know anything about the Constitution… or Republican philosophy… or Christianity… or how government works… or about sexual consent.. or even how to age gracefully. He’s a giant idiot who can’t go 30 seconds without breaking a dozen laws, and I’m over it. I am committing right now to vote for his impeachment. His cabinet should have gone 25th Amendment two years ago.”

“George Conway is 100% accurate when he calls Trump a deranged lunatic sociopathic narcissist. By the way, the Russian kompromat pee tape is totally real. He told me about it when he bragged to me about how hot the girls think he is in Russia. He literally tells people about the golden showers without understanding they only did that to catch him on tape for blackmail…”

“…He literally thinks those poor, poor Russian prostitutes couldn’t keep their hands off him cause they thought he was so attractive. Just talking about his sheer incompetence and idiocy pisses me off. I’m going right now to the Senate to switch parties and become a Democrat. That fucking idiot needs to be removed from office immediately. TTYL America… if I don’t jump in front of a bus and kill myself before I get to the Senate!”

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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

One thought

  1. I’ m a Democrat. But I think this is highly suspect. I can’t
    t imagine McConnell speaking like this. I think the writer of this
    has a pretty good imagination.

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