Washington D.C.—
A new tell-all book by former White House staffer Ralph Wiggin about the Trump presidency is due to be published, which means his publishing company is spilling some salacious secrets about the former president to generate interest.
The latest intrigue revealed by Wiggin’s book is a claim that President Trump’s hair and makeup routine take two hours every day:
“The President does not do any official work until his hair and makeup are finished. The makeup process takes 25 minutes to cover his face with foundation, but he often screams that it’s taking too long before the makeup artists can blend it into his hairline and neck so there are often pretty distinct boundary lines where the makeup stops. Then it takes another hour and a half to sculpt the biological oddity that is his hair into a mop that obscures the reality that Trump is almost entirely bald. This long morning routine often annoyed other foreign dignitaries when Trump took trips abroad because they were typically kept waiting every day. When Trump’s entourage was in England on an official visit with the Queen, Her Majesty was kept waiting an hour because Trump’s staff had forgotten his favorite hairspray, and the President did not trust any British brands.”
Wiggin’s book goes on to describe Trump’s emotional volatility over the lack of his favorite hairspray brand.
“President Trump could be heard screaming at his aides from several rooms down that they were embarrassing him and making him look like an idiot. He yelled that it was a matter of extreme national security that he never go without his favorite hairspray. I left the room and went to the reception room where the Queen was patiently waiting, and heard the Queen remark that Trump was a ‘bigger priss’ than her. Trump eventually settled for some styling gel, and the Queen laughed at his hairdo when she saw it, which convinced Trump to start being against NATO. He said America would never come to the defense of a country with a Queen who was such a ‘nasty woman.’ He then speculated that the Queen must have been ‘on the rag,’ and been ‘bleeding from her wherever.’ A very offended British Palace official reminded Trump that the Queen was 93 years old, and then Trump asked him if the Queen snorted Adderall like him to stay young and energetic.”
Trump reportedly then fumed for most of the day, but the Queen tried to make amends.
“The President perked up a little bit later at the royal dinner reception when the Queen made sure he got more scoops of ice cream than anyone else, and she directed the royal staff to serve his dessert in a big goblet that was considerably larger and flashier than anyone else’s. He clapped his little hands together and squealed with delight when he saw that he got the best goblet.”
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The Halfway Post 
And the wind take it all apart in a few seconds. 😀
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The big moron is a self centered idiot
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Yes. We all already know that about 45*.
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Bolton need vacation. With his need to vilify Trump’s every mood.
Wouldn’t suprise me that he would hold Trumps dick when he hits the bathroom.
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Trump much? This excerpt sounds EXACTLY like how the man child would act.
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yep
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It’s satire
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I don’t believe it’s totally satire. I’ve read other accounts of his hair, so don’t think
that this is far from the truth.
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Ivanka has been heard mocking her father’s morning routine w/his hair, talking about the huge bald spot and the elaborate attempts to cover it. This is satire but with a large dose of the truth in it.
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Don’t you realize this is satire!
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You would probably suck it out for Trump.
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Bawahahaha,too funny.
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And it wouldn’t surprise me if you got on your knees in front of Trump and….well you know where I’m going you dumb ass Trump lover.
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Sounds like ye want to be the one to hold the orange pile of flea shits penis yeself.
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O defensive huh
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That job would be reserved for people like you. You could hold it while you’re kissing his butt.
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I know it’s satire but Donnie boy won’t laugh at it so it may be partially true.
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the fun part of satire is that it uses the truth to make the next logical step or observation…. We all know tRump’s hair is hideous, that he is nearly bald, so from there it is easy to imagine taking 2 hours to perfect it, and the bit about insisting on his brand of hair spray, and being upset or offended by the Queen Mum, and then being placated by the Yuge bowl of ice cream…. satire yes, but arises from truth. 🙂
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But trump followers would claim to love his outfit when he wasnt wearing any clothes.
Exactly like the hans christian anderson story “the emperors new clothes” he is surrounded by ass kissers and yes men he has made sure to fire anybody who wouldnt kiss his narcissistic ass!
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You definitely got that right!
Great comparison, only difference is that the Emperor learned an important lesson, and Trumpy thinks he is important and skipped his lessons.👴🏻🔀👴
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Yeah, but putting trump and a book deal before the country stinks!!
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